About a month ago, I borrowed Speak like Yourself: No, Really! by Jezra Kayes from the Barrel bookshelf. I wasn’t preparing for a big presentation, but I figured it would be good to spruce up my public speaking skills, especially since I spend most of my day as a Producer communicating with the team and clients.
Jezra shares a lot of great lessons, and I recommend her book to anyone looking for actionable tips. But pointers aside, the book forced me stop and think about speaking as a daily activity–its role in exchanging ideas and its place in growing relationships. This made me realize that the only time I actively work on speaking as a skill is when I am preparing for something public or formal. But what if I tried to practice better speaking everyday, on the phone or in a meeting? So that’s what I tried to do. I experimented with a handful of speaking tricks in everyday conversations, informal and formal. Some techniques worked better than others, but here are three that I found particularly helpful.
Know Your Best Speaking Self
This is one of my favorite exercises from Jezra’s book. Try answering these questions.
1. What are some strengths, qualities, or skills you have as a communicator? Do you have a good sense of humor? Are you comfortable with silence? Is your smile memorable?
2. Are these traits that you are actually proud of and possess, or are they what you think you should be as a speaker?
The second question raises an interesting point: there is a difference between your strengths and what you think your strengths should be. Understanding this distinction was critical for me because as Jezra puts it:
Trying to meet an impossible, externally-imposed standard of perfection is not the best way to become a great public speaker! In reality speaking like your best self is the fastest route to success and it starts with appreciating your existing communication strengths, skills and qualities.
Sometimes we don’t even understand our own strengths, and I’ve learned that improving on existing skills can be just as productive as trying to fix shortcomings. Being able to visualize my best edited and focused speaking self has made the concept of “better” seem less forced and more attainable. In examining my own strengths, I found that there is a lot to be happy about, and that my time and effort is better spent by devoting energy to building and refining my strengths rather than trying to address a certain weakness.
Identify Speaking Habits
Do you speak softly? Do you pad every other word with fillers such as “you know,” “um,”or “like”? Do you go on fast forward? We all have mannerisms that come out when speaking, even if we’re just chatting over wine. Most of the time we don’t realize that these idiosyncrasies exist until someone points them out. Of course, not all tics are bad. Some can be memorable and even endearing. On the flip side, they can hurt your credibility or distract your listener. Identifying and acknowledging speaking habits can be cringe-inducing at first, but I’ve found that developing this awareness goes hand-in-hand with understanding strengths.
Try asking a team member or a friend to listen for communication patterns over the course of a few days. You can also try recording a conference call, internal meeting, or stakeholder interview that you are participating in. Once you discover your tendencies, you’ll have a starting point for developing a plan on ways to improve.
Practice All the Time
After developing my list of strengths and list of bad habits, I came up with three actionable goals that I could implement in every conversation:
- Pause between thoughts
- Remove “I think,” “I guess,” and “basically”
- Stop making statements sound like questions (I have an upwards cadence at the end of sentences )
I wrote my goals on a notecard, and before picking up the phone or jumping into a meeting, I would make sure to read over the list. It sounds ridiculous, but having that physical reminder was key to stopping my brain from going on auto-pilot. The first few days of practicing with the notecard were not the prettiest. I rambled and went on a back-to-back “I guess” and “basically” marathon. I felt frustrated and disappointed. I quickly learned that kicking myself every time I say “I guess” was not sustainable and would only produce more rambling. So rather than focusing solely on what I shouldn’t say, I tried taking a breath whenever I felt that an “I guess” or “basically” was imminent. Even a quick inconspicuous inhale and exhale helped me reset and refocus.
After a few weeks of actively trying, I’m starting to get the hang of it. My interactions with team members sound more direct since I don’t tag on an “I guess” at the end of each statement, and I am able to speak with more calmness on client conference calls, employing a pause before sentences. Do I still catch myself making mistakes? Of course. But has practicing daily made a difference? Without a doubt. I’ve learned that speaking is as much of a physical activity as it is a mental skill. It requires frequent, short, and repetitive practice sessions to build muscle memory. Practicing daily is a way to undo habits, internalize new ones, and gain confidence.
My Takeaway
While these three tricks are by no means groundbreaking, they’ve helped me be more direct, clear, and mindful with my words. I say “you know” a lot less during presentations and even on the phone with my mom. These small wins are important to me because it means I’m a little closer to saying only what needs to be said and making sure to say it in the best way possible.
